And this doesn’t just apply to casual dating or the beginning of a relationship. When you’re well into a relationship like me, you’ll still have to make the first move in other ways. For amino nl example, you’ll probably find yourself reaching out to your introvert for affection far more often than he reaches out to you. Don’t let yourself get too upset about it. That’s just how introverts are.
Try not to be too hurt by this. It has nothing to do with you (well – unless you’re mistreating him or the relationship is unhealthy). It’s just part of his personality.
Think about it this way. Just like you need to be around people to re-charge your mental batteries, he needs to be alone to re-charge his mental batteries. Neither way is wrong. Just different.
Sometimes, there is a fine line between introverted-ness and neglectfulness, so make sure you’re with someone who has your best interests at heart – someone who will happily show you the attention you deserve if you let him know you need it.
Create a Conflict Resolution Plan
Most introverts I’ve dated have been pretty conflict-avoidant. They’d rather go for a day or two without speaking than deal with a difficult fight that lasts for 30 minutes and move on.
In fact, Sophia Dembling, an author who writes about introversion, asked more than 50 introverts how they deal with conflict, and most said that they tended to shut down.
While I don’t seek out conflict, I do tend to take a more… proactive approach to resolving issues. I don’t like to let tension linger. I’d rather hash it out quickly and get over it. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to postpone an unpleasant conversation for days. Why not tackle it head on and quickly get back to getting along and having fun again, right?
Not quite. I’ve had to learn how to compromise a bit in this area. My introverted guy and I have created a conflict resolution plan. Instead of literally taking on problems immediately, I try to give him a little space first, because I get that he needs time to process things mentally before we resolve a conflict. Also, he understands why we can’t go days without resolving a conflict, even if it’s less stressful and uncomfortable, so we don’t do that either.
Be open with your introvert about your needs when it comes to conflict resolution, and encourage him to tell you about his too. You’ll thank yourself later when a problem arises!
In fact, when I was in elementary school, I kept to myself quite a bit. And I’d often get asked a variety of annoying questions that really pissed me off, including:
- Why don’t you want to go play with the other kids?
- Why are you so quiet?
- Why don’t you go over there and make some friends?
Because of this, I feel like I got a peek into what life is like as an introvert. And it isn’t easy!
In fact, according to Susan Cain, the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, work and school in the U.S. are both geared around the way extroverts like to work. The bottom line is that extroversion is much more widely accepted in society, and people tend to treat introversion like a disease. It’s really tough to relate to the people around you when you don’t feel accepted because of your personality and tendency to need alone time.
The point is this: you need to accept your introvert for who he is. He’ll always need some alone time. He’ll always feel drained when he’s been around other people for too long. And that’s okay.